Some people were just meant to be alone

A very nice man I used to know. Stuart, came in to the store this morning. He was obviously glad to see me, and I can't say that I wasn't glad to see him. He said he had been working out of state for a year. We exchanged a bit of what had been going on in our lives, and he asked if my phone number was still the same. I said it was. He asked if I had a boyfriend. I didn't know what to say.
"Yes," I answered him, "sort of..."
"Sort of?" he asked,"the same situation you were in a year ago."
"Yes, the same man."
I realized that a lot of my life was going by while I was waiting on Hawk.
I thought this time that Hawk and I were going to make it work...I thought that since *she* had moved on, I had him to myself. But when he doesn't call me, or come online to chat for weeks at a time, and he won't answer my phone calls, or return my messages, what am I to think? I think, actually, that his life is too full to make time for me. No, he could, but he won't. I love him, that I am sure of. But love is never enough by itself. It could be so right between us. I don't know that I would ever trust another man enough to enter into a D/s relationship, or even want to. I want Hawk, damn it.
What will I say when Stuart calls? I know he will. I can't be alone forever... I need intimacy, and I'm not talking just sex... I need someone to care about me, think about me, someone to (occasionally) wake up to in the morning. I know that Stuart isn't looking for anything serious, maybe he isn't what I need either, but am I wasting my life waiting for Hawk to come around?? I just don't know... I love having time to myself, but I don't like being alone. I need to feel someone is there for me, and I am not feeling that from Hawk.
When we are together, I tend to forget all this... He is so strong, confident, intense, intelligent... I just love being with him so much I don't want to bring up things that would ruin what little time I have with him... But I guess it is time for me to bring it up... I can't continue being this miserable. Maybe an occasional fling with Stuart would give me what I don't get from Hawk. I am not actually a "fling" kind of girl... I tend to be very honest, and very loyal. But would I be better off trying to find a man who can give me everything I need, all in one package? Maybe there isn't such a man... Maybe some people were just meant to be alone forever, and I am unlucky enough to be one of those people....
(Seems a bit repetitive of my first entry, doesn't it... Im sorry to be so stuck on this problem! I need to concentrate more on the rest of my life.)